Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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