You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
