Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
