Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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