the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
