it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
