Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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