ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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