When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
