my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Boobs are out for the taking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
