Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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