No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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