And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
