when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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