Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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