I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
