Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize