Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
soo... how was my night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
