my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
