Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love you.
Bad choice
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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