Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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