Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
