i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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