Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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