So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
