peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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