you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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