I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize