I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
