when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
