he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
