Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize