On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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