it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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