So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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