I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
