Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
