Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
