I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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