So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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