You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's shark week go big or go home
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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