Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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