We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
