Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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