I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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