3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
