just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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