you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
