ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
