Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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