Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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