I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you traded sex for a burrito?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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