some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What a dumb baby whore.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
