I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
BRING THE BAGELS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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