I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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