Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
