You don't have asthma, your pregnant
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
