dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
