just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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