we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
