in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
