i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
