2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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