I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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