guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
