How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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