omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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