I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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