i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
