its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
