It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
