His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
