I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
