I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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